


The Greatest Story You'll Ever Read aka. A Title Long Enough To Be A Fall Out Boy Song Title

by Rock_n_Fuckin_Roll



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, F/M, Just Plain Crack, M/M, Nothing serious, Why Did I Write This?, YOLO, making fun of fanfiction, mentions of fall out boy - Freeform, mentions of my chemical romance, mentions of panic! at the disco, no editing, slight crack crossover, so much crack, so much fucking crack, this is just crackity crack crack that ever cracked the crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-28
Updated: 2014-04-28
Packaged: 2018-01-21 02:17:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1533953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rock_n_Fuckin_Roll/pseuds/Rock_n_Fuckin_Roll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story where Castiel and Dean are both in high school, Castiel works at a coffee shop, oh, and they are chemistry lab partners, and Dean had his parents dramatically die in a car crash (good thing he conveniently is eighteen) and Dean and Castiel are best friends but they aren't actually 'cause they are totally gay for each other, falling into compromising positions and shit, and Dean always carries lube in his pocket for no reason whatsoever, and also, straight people do not exist in this story. Oh, and let's not forget the smut!!111 CRACK.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Greatest Story You'll Ever Read aka. A Title Long Enough To Be A Fall Out Boy Song Title

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SUPERNATURAL OR ANY OF THE SONG LYRICS I USE AND I DON'T OWN ANY BANDS OR BAND MEMBERS.
> 
> A/N: I needed this to exist. Basically I took the major sins of fanfiction and tried to smush them into one story, I also took some fandom sins and tried to push them into this, and this is not to be taken seriously, random band members will appear, author notes will be in the middle of the story, this is just crack shit made to make fun of many fanfictions and fanfiction cliches. Have fun, and no harm is intended in this. This is just for shits and giggles. I repeat, FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES. Now, enjoy.

Dean looked up from his chemistry homework to look at his chemistry lab partner, Castiel Novak, (wow, so convenient) who also happened to be his best friend, even though many people kept on tending to disagree since they did a lot of 'eye-fucking,' and everyone was just Destiel cheerleaders.

Dean smiled, that kind of smile that made his candy-apple-fanfiction green eyes brighten and turn into a green color humanity has not yet seen and now scientists are going to take him away to preform tests to see how that kind of green is even possible.

Castiel smiled back, making his blue-as-fuck eyes turn into an even bright blue which can make kittens and unicorns and Jessica Alba blind.

“So, we going back to class or not?” Dean said in a deep, Texas drawl (even though we all know he's from Kansas) which can make fangirls melt in their pants and have orgasms. Castiel nodded and Dean got up from his spot; where he was leaning against a tree where the sun could just perfectly cast beautiful angelic light onto him, and they walked together to back to their high school which is a total dump compared to them.

Now, just like in every fucking high school movie, Castiel and Dean were both losers and at the bottom of the food chain, even though there was no reason for it whatsoever, and of course, the kings and queens of the high school were stuck up bitches and douchebags that were nameless and nobody liked because that's apparently how things work.

“Hey look, it's the kid with the dead parents!” One of the nameless jocks shouted while his cronies laughed.

Dean scowled, but it was true. His parents die in a dramatic, horrible, tragic car crash, and good thing it was right after Dean turned eighteen. Even though it isn't even necessary, we're going to give you a flashback of the car crash for no reason but to be edgy.

_FLASHBACK~~~sparkle sparkle sparkle_

“ _Okay Dean, we're going out, watch over Sammy.” John Winchester told his oldest son, but Dean looked at his dad in confusion._

“ _Why is Sam five years old? Isn't he suppose to be like, fourteen?” Dean asked._

“ _Yeah, but it adds dramatic effect.” John said, and he went over to the door with Mary._

“ _Okay.”Dean said, shrugging his shoulders._

“ _Have fun!”Mary called, and they left the house. At that moment, Dean didn't know it was going to be the last time he saw his parents. (For best effect, read everything in a movie-trailer-guy voice.)_

_And just like any other flashback, there was a dramatic crash, people died, lots of blood that had physics like anime blood, and Dean and Sam found out, and they cried, beautiful sparkling tears that looked like crystals that made them even more handsome and wonderful and shit, and now the crash tragically haunts them for the rest of their life._

_END OF FLASHBACK~~~sparkle desu kawaii sparkle_

**A/N: Author note guys! Even though it's totally pointless to have one right in the MIDDLE OF THE STORY I'm having one anyway because I need to describe something I could describe at the end or not even bother! Okay, on we go!**

When Castiel and Dean got to class, they both sat together in the same seats, and nearby were some of their friends, such as Michael, Lucifer, Gabriel, and a few others.

“So, how are you two lovebirds?” Lucifer said, and Michael randomly went and sat in his lap, grabbed his hand and kissed his face.

Dean smiled, showing off his perfectly white teeth. “Oh Lucifer, you know we aren't dating! But we all know that I'm actually totally bisexual and want to bang Cas even though it's been said a million times by the creators of Supernatural that I'm not bisexual and the whole point of the show is not about me buttfucking an angel, but whatever!”

“Well don't blame me, blame the fandom. They want you two to bang.” Lucifer answered after Michael pulled away.

“Hey, are you and Michael dating? Aren't you both brothers? And what is Michael doing? He's suppose to be a douchebag!” Dean asked, furrowing his brows.

“Yeah, I know, but the story needed some forbidden gay incest love since you and Sam aren't dating in this fanfiction. And Michael isn't the douchebag because the writer want to be cool and do something 'out of the box.' Isn't this hip?” Lucifer answered.

“You're totally out of character.” Dean said, and Lucifer shook his head. “And Gabriel, when are you going to get a boyfriend?”

“That's the point. Minor characters aren't important anyway, we need to get out of the way soon so the Destiel smut scene can come along. We're just fillers.” Lucifer answered.

“I'm not sure you know, maybe I'll just date your brother Sam, since apparently whenever there is Destiel there also happens to be Sabriel even there is no real canon evidence. The two don't even talk, but who cares?! We need Sam to not be lonely and shit, so let's put him with the angel who tortured him and his brother! Now you and Sam will match!” Gabriel said, giggling a bit and eating another candy even though this was an AU and Gabriel could possibly die from eating all that candy.

Class was shithole boring buttplace even though they did a lot of experiments in that class. Like usual, Dean and Castiel did more eye fucking and accidentally falling into compromising positions, and everyone cheered it on because everyone seems to be a Destiel cheerleader.

After class, seemingly, school ended, even though it was lunchtime, but no one complained. So Castiel told Dean he had to go to his classic after school job at Starbucks as a barista, and Castiel promised he'd get Dean some coffee even though Dean doesn't drink coffee, but it's the thought that counts, right?

They went separate ways, and now we skip to when Castiel's shift ends because nothing that happens in between is really _that_ important. And plus, who gives a shit?

Dean was at his house, sitting on the couch, watching TV with Sam when there was a knock at the door. Dean got up and answered it, seeing Castiel on the other side, smelling like coffee and Castiel. Dean let him in.

“OMG WHEN ARE YOU TWO GOING TO KISS HOLY CRAP.” Sam shouted, and the two stopped, blush on their faces and they sputtered.

“Sam, you know we're just best friends.” Dean said, hand reaching out to accidentally brush against Castiel's crotch, like bow chicka wow wow.

“BEST FRIENDS MY ASS.” Sam shouted again, and Dean placed his hands on his ears.

“Why are you yelling?”

“BECAUSE NO ONE SEEMS TO HEAR ME. ESPECIALLY CASTIEL.” Sam screamed, because I'm running out of verbs, and Castiel rolled his eyes.

“I don't notice you because the fandom says so. You don't exist, so what are you doing here?” Castiel asked.

“I'm here to be a Destiel cheerleader and help the 'straight-people-do-not-exist-in-this' concept, because apparently I have a boyfriend.”

**A/N: Random author note again for no fucking reason whatsoever! I hope you guys like! Let's go!**

“Okay.” Dean said, and as he lead Castiel over to the hallway to take him to his bedroom to hang out (bow chicka wow wow), the two stopped all of a sudden.

“OMG, there's a conveniently placed mistletoe, even though it's the middle of May! Now you have no choice but to kiss because you can't hug someone or anything else and people will force you to kiss and we all know you want to kiss so kiss!” Sam shouted, and all of a sudden, he was wearing a cheerleader outfit with the words 'DIESTEL' on it.

Dean and Castiel sighed. They had no choice but to kiss each other. It was totally platonic, and nothing would be even close. It wouldn't hurt anyone. They were just friends.

They pressed their lips together, and soon, shit got heated, but in a totally platonic, hetero way. Their tongues battled for dominance, with Castiel winning easily because top!Castiel is really hot, and they split up, catching their breath.

“That was wrong.” Dean said.

“I know, but let's do it again.” Castiel said, trying to take off his clothes.

**A/N: Another author note you guys! Just to be safe, lol!**

Now we time skip to the next day, where, surprise surprise, we find out Dean has a girlfriend! Wow! Didn't see that coming, did ya?

“You're only dating her to hide your true sexual feelings for me!” Castiel exclaimed, and Dean shook his head.

“Of course not!” Dean said, puzzled.

“Vous êtes un menteur, vous morceau de merde!” Castiel said, crossing his arms.

“What the fuck, where the did French come from?” Dean asked, his brows furrowing together.

“I don't know. I got it from Google Translate.” And Castiel stormed off dramatically in the other direction but tripped, fell backwards because fuck physics, and landed in Dean's arms.

They stared into each others eyes for a long time before the bell rang and they went their separate ways.

Dean then broke up with Lisa, saying it wasn't working out, (of course it isn't working out, it's all her fault, she's a bitch and Destiel is just a poor victim in it all and those girls Dean's always with are totally not right for him even though they helped him and made him understand, but fuck that) and Lisa got pissed off and threw shit at him but it didn't matter because Dean went through an emotional, hard five minutes and found out he was truly in deep ass love with Castiel (remember, Dean doesn't just love Castiel, he's _in_ love with him, big difference) and now it was time to do the nasty with him, even though they haven't asked each other out and that's _way_ too sudden and they are both teenagers and who the fuck with a rational mind does that?

When Dean got home, Castiel was already there for some reason, and Dean pounced on Castiel on the couch.

“Castiel, I found out, and I truly do love you.” Dean said with drama.

“FINAL--FUCKING--LY.” Sam shouted from the kitchen and they could hear quiet sobs and the devouring of ice cream. Poor Sam. He was probably better off when Lucifer was mind-fucking with him.

“Let's go to my room.” Dean whispered, and dragged Castiel there.

They locked the door and Dean shoved Castiel on the bed, and went over and pressed against him. Castiel could feel his 'manhood' and to be honest, it was pretty small, but nobody cares because shit is now heated and all of a sudden everyone is sweaty and usually by this point, someone's got their hand down their pants or someone just skipped to here for this part. Either one.

The two positioned themselves and Dean pulled out lube from his back pocket, because who knows when you're going to need that shit.

They took off their clothes and then plotless smut happens, and there is a lot of adjectives and descriptive scenes and their cum tastes like rainbows, Skittles and magic, and they shout their love and Castiel goes “aah-ahhhh!” because he's the bottom and then bamf, Dean makes a Nicolas Cage face when he orgasms.

Then there is another dramatic time skip, and torturous Destiel seperation happens, and Castiel then graduates high school to become a teacher (but he still loves Dean but they never asked each other out so they are still technically both single) and Dean is still in high school because he can't pass any of his courses and he keeps on failing, and soon, Castiel becomes Dean's English teacher and an awkward student-teacher relationship happens and even if it's not illegal by age, tis illegal by profession, but it's all hot and they still have feelings and they have secret eye-fucking and because it's illegal (by profession) they do it just for the hell of it, no concern to Castiel's career whatsoever. They mention it once or twice but true love and hot illegalness is more important.

And even though they had sex one time, they forcefully forget it and break their hearts trying to act like they are just friends, but they do it anyway, and they hang out at Dean's place again 'as friends,' and they 'platonically' share the same bed sometimes and shit just like Dean and Sam used to before Castiel appeared in season four, and now, shit doesn't even make sense, but one day, Castiel and Dean finally do it again, letting themselves and their love free regardless of the consequences, but they do it in a janitor's closet which is _so_ romantic, and a few days later Castiel finds out he's preggers.

Dean commits to Cas even though it fucking doesn't make any sense because when has mpreg been cool?... and then Castiel goes for maternity leave (but nobody asks how the hell he's preggers because last time I checked men can't have a 'secret' vagina or something and nobody asks who's the other father because men get pregnant here and there, no biggie) and Castiel gives birth to the guitarist Frank Iero who will one day be a member of My Chemical Romance.

I could now go on to make a fifteen chapter work in progress story that ends on a cliffhanger and doesn't update in two years, but why would I do that? Silly me!

I could also make a fic where there's three-hundred-thousand words but Dean and Castiel don't ever kiss but I'm too fucking lazy to do that, or I could make a generic two-thousand canon!verse fic, but ain't nobody got time for that!

Or I could make a very, very sad fanfiction that even the title makes you cry, like (cough-Twist and Shout-cough) but I can't do that because I can't bring myself to do it.

Or I could be unoriginal and lazy and do those 'the whole show/book/movie characters have seen/read this' cliché and get millions of hits because just like the music industry, we keep on using the same shit.

But I won't do any of that. Instead, I'll make the title of this story so long that it could be the title of a Fall Out Boy song, and make the title so irrelevant to the story like a Panic! At The Disco song.

And just to piss you off, I'll make the next chapters start with Nickleback song lyrics, you know, just for the hell of it.

Anyway, Dean, Castiel and Frank lived a happy life but then years go by and then Doctor Who's fiftieth anniversary is on and Frank moves out and killed off all connection to Dean and Castiel because he really doesn't want people to know and it's embarrassing as hell.

My Chemical Romance then gets totally famous and Mikey Way Googles himself and is now in the hospital scarred for life.

Dean and Castiel live happily together and have another baby because mpreg is totally hilarious.

And we don't know what happened to everyone else because we don't give a fuck, this story is not about them.

And shit was all well.

THE END.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

No, I'm fucking kidding that isn't the end!

.

.

.

.

.

No, wait, it is.

Here, we need it in French just to be hipster!

_FIN_

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: For real author note, I hope you guys enjoyed, this story doesn't make much sense but that's not the point. Well, there is no real point in this story but to make fun of fanfiction and shit. I'm really sorry for the horrendous grammar and possible point of view change, I was really tired and too lazy to edit this, so I apologize. I hope I didn't offend anyone, and if I did, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to. This is just for shits and giggles and I hope I accomplished that, and I had fun writing this. I got some of these fanfiction ideas from-- http://31.media.tumblr.com/c2d8f0f0e022ab407b18b338fc7a1156/tumblr_n4ad05c1xx1qjhbzpo1_500.jpg --which you can find at this blog-- http://kirschtein-sexual.tumblr.com/post/83209573212/go-on-ff-net-or-ao3-for-about-5-minutes-and --and I didn't ask for permission to use the ideas but it was totally worth it here is the credit for it. I hope you guys enjoyed this piece of shit and laughed. Good day to all.


End file.
